Tag Archives: Random Advice

Managing Stress and Taking Care of Yourself

The Forest for the Trees

The Forest for the Trees

I bit off a pretty big mouthful this spring. The ninja and I are buying our first house and we play on a coed soccer team. I’m training for my first half Ironman, was just invited to sit on the board of advisors for the Deming Center for Entrepreneurship and I read charter school applications for a non-profit organization that coaches people hoping to open successful schools in the Denver area. I also have a full time job and a few friends I like to spend time with once in a while. Most of the time, I juggle my schedule pretty well. Recently, I feel like I’m taking on a little water – and that’s not just because I’m spending more time in a pool then I ever thought I would. Here are a few things I’ve learned about managing stress and taking care of myself. If only I could practice them a little more consistently!

  • Be honest – It is sometimes difficult to tell the truth knowing you might hurt the other person, or know you are going to say something the other person may not want to hear. Being honest is important because if I’m not honest I continue to feel a lot of tension the other person may not even know about and I get resentful in the long run.
  • If you need time, say so – I’ve been able to cut back on a lot of emotional stress by giving myself some time before answering an email, returning a voicemail, or simply saying, “I’m not sure, let me think about that and get back to you” during a conversation.
  • Say no - Don’t overbook yourself. I used to have so many commitments that if something didn’t go as planned, that event would start a domino effect that caused me to fall back on everything else.
  • Prioritization – If you are really busy, make sure you prioritize what is really important to you. I feel awful if I don’t exercise so I always (as much as possible) make sure I get in a workout. Also, I’ve got some pretty ambitious (at least for me) athletic goals this year and you can’t cram fitness so I need to stay on top of this.
  • Be your own best friend – Treat yourself with the same kindness you would your best friend. Push yourself, but know when you need to take a break and watch a few episodes of Archer.
  • Say yes – to back rubs when they are offered. Or, a glass of wine with a friend.
  • Be excited – it’s easy to miss the forest for the trees when you are busy and stressed, but it’s important to try to notice and enjoy the little things because they are the ones I end up remembering.

What are your tips for managing stress and taking care of yourself?

Why I Should Quit Multitasking

For years I’ve prided my abilities as a multitasker. I’ve answered emails or surfed the web while on phone calls, wrote papers while watching movies, and listened to books and music while running.

Sometimes I feel like this constant overstimulation causes my ideas, experiences, conversations, lessons, and creativity to blend together in a way where it become difficult for me to string together a series of thoughts, reflect on different experiences or come to conclusions.

I crave a quiet space where I can catch up with my thoughts, be creative and resolve problems. Without this time, I feel disorganized and cluttered and get stressed out. I sometimes wondering why I wait for the weekends to find this quiet time and I recently discovered that I think this is a symptom of my constant multi-tasking.

During the week, I’m almost constantly doing two if not more things at once. Rarely, do I get to focus on one challenge at a time. In shifting from one task to another, I loose my place in my thought process or even in the work itself, I waste time figuring out where I left off, or make mistakes like not attaching documents to emails.

NPR published a story back in 2008 that discusses exactly what has been frustrating me. One part of the article explains why I find it so difficult to concentrate on a conversation with the TV on in the background. It turns out our brains configure themselves to prioritize one kind of information over another – in this case visual information over auditory information. So, I’m giving you fair warning, if you want me to pay attention to or remember anything you say, you are going to have to turn off the TV before you talk to me.

I wondered, if multi-tasking is the cause of a lot of stress, why do I do it? This blog post on Harvard Business Review explains that you can listen to more words per minute then someone else can speak. So, you might decide to divert your “extra” attention to doing something else like plan your next vacation or shop for a new pair of shoes online. What you may not realize is that this is not extra attention. You are already using your brain to pick up nuances in the conversation, think about what you are hearing, and staying connected to what’s happening around you. I’m giving up all that to trick myself into thinking that I’m getting more done. Then I find that I need to go back and think about the conversation later.

One of my favorite blogs is zenhabits. The author of the blog, Leo Babauta shares great thoughts on mindfulness, focus, professional and personal development and simplifying life. He has a great post on how not to multi-task you can find here.

What are your tricks to stay focused and get some space and time for yourself?

Relationship / Cohabitation Rules for Success

If we’ve met, I’ve probably given you advice. Chances are, you haven’t asked for it, but I sensed that maybe I had something to contribute and gave it anyway. A recent victim of this situation was a co-worker. This co-worker and I started working at Room 214 at the same time and became friends very quickly.

One of our many reoccurring topics of conversation was her relationship with her long distance boyfriend of a couple of years. (We mostly discussed how much being in a long distance relationship sucks.) They met in college and he moved home afterwards as, if you haven’t noticed, there are not many jobs out there right now. Fortunately, he recently got a job with Vail Resorts and moved back to Colorado and into my co-worker’s apartment. After we finished jumping up and down, I said, “Okay, here’s what works for the Ninja and I… we’ve lived together for two and a half years and we haven’t killed each other yet so there could be something of value here…”

$$ Tracking: We have a tablet on the fridge where we write down what we spend on household items including groceries, toiletries, cleaning supplies etc. If one of us pays the electric or the cable bill write that down too. This helps us make sure we are both contributing approximately the same amount to the bills and it helps us watch our spending.

Rules for fighting: I’m not going to lie, the Ninja and I have had some pretty good fights. What we have learned is there are appropriate ways to act during a fight and inappropriate ways to act. By figuring out what is allowed and what is not allowed while we are happy – and preferably sharing a bottle of wine – we can enforce the “rules of fighting” down the road and keep from hurting the other person by saying things we don’t mean or can’t take back.

Pajama pants: Once I’m home for the night, I always change into my pajama pants. It is the way I transition from out-in-the-world mode to relaxing-at-home mode. Once in a while, I come home from work and just need some time to adjust to evening / relaxing mode without having to answer questions like, “how was your day?” “what’s wrong?” “are you okay?” “are you pissed?” “is it me?” If I walk in the house and say, “pajama time,” that is the Ninja’s signal to just leave me alone until I emerge from another room wearing pajama pants and a smile.

Relationship needs: Everyone has them and they are all different. For example, the Ninja wants to hang out, one-on-one once a week. I want to spend a little time talking or hanging out without the TV on. We don’t necessarily have the same needs, but since we understand these things about each other, it makes it easier to make sure we are both happy.

What are your relationship / cohabitation rules for success?

My Mind Taps Out

This morning, I ran 15 miles because I’m currently training for the Colorado Relay and the Rock ‘n Roll Denver Marathon. I find that I always get really tired about 2 miles from the end of my long runs. It doesn’t seem to matter whether the run is 5 miles or 20 miles, 2 miles from the end, my mind taps out. At about mile 13, I started to feel really tired. I wanted to walk. The ache in my knees suddenly seemed worse and my shoulders got tight. Usually, I just turn up my music a little bit. Start thinking about what I’m going to have for breakfast and start talking to myself. I look and sound like a lunatic.

This morning was a little different. At mile 13, I started thinking about a talk I heard last night at TEDxBoulder by Eric Farone of Bovine Metropolis. The premise of the talk was “useful applications of the mind/body connection.” During one part of the talk he had the audience sit in different positions and feel how that affected their emotions. He talked about how many feel that the body is a puppet of the mind, but how the mind can also take cues from the body as well.

This morning, I tried applying this idea to my run. At mile 13 of 15, instead of slumping my shoulders and shuffling the final two miles, I mentally scanned my body and realized that I was still keeping a pretty good pace despite the fact that I was tired. So, I straightened my back and kept putting one foot in front of the other. I pretended that I was just starting out and feeling good. I can’t say that I my mind was totally convinced, but it did help!

How to Write a Wedding Toast, Part 2

I was all prepared to give my perfectly crafted wedding toast from neatly printed bullet points I had printed out beforehand. Then, something happened I didn’t expect…

The groom’s brother totally kills it. He’s awesome. Totally raises the stakes. What do you do then? Tear up your toast and do what you think feels best. After all, you just spent a lot of time thinking about your friend, her groom, their relationship, how you feel about their relationship, the wedding, how happy their going to be, and so on… You know the right thing to say at that point. So just say it.

How to Write a Wedding Toast

A close friend is getting married today and she asked me to give a toast at her wedding. I did what every person who works at a social media marketing agency would do. I googled “wedding toasts.” I found a bunch of quotes and some cheesy advice. Not gonna work. So here’s the formula I came up with to give, what I hope will be a sweet, humorous, and memorable toast to the couple:

  • Make a joke
  • Introduce yourself
  • Talk about how you know you know the bride or the groom (whoever you have known longer)
  • Make a few tasteful jokes
  • Talk about how you got to know the other one
  • Mention how great they are together
  • Say something about what you hope their future will be like
  • Don’t forget the toast part! Say “to the bride and groom!”
  • Raise your glass